I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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