I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
foreskin is a definite game changer
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
