idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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