just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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