don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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