I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
