at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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