He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
