sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
