we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
