Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
