we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
