plz talk dirty to me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
