That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
