I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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