theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
