I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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