I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy