if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...