I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after