i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
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Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
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You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...