worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.