This girl is more easily done than said...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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