Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
