i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish you could order shots online.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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