If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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