You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
