You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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