I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
