That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
