I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
