Christians are straight up FREAKS
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Buhtt sex?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
