the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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