Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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