Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
