KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You're like the curious george of whores
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
