The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
