I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
