I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
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How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize