its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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