I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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