He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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