He asked to "fluff my boner.."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
