i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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