She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
