she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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