There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
