I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
