Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
