Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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