If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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