pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
