The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
