Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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