Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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