You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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