that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
