You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
