Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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