If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize