Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
