SEEEEXXX PLEASE
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
