I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The uberlube is also flammable
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
