when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
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Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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