It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
