Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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