Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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