there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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