she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize